Fulfilling It
by AliasDemon99
Summary: This is S/V!!!Sequel to I Need It>! Sydney is right back where she started,...well, sorta...
1. Default Chapter

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Prologue: I Keep Telling Myself  
  
  
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The song is Twilight by Vanessa Carlton.  
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twilight   
I was stained, with a role, in a day not my own but as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown I always knew, what was right I just didn't know that I might peel away and choose to see with such a different sight   
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Russia is colder than any other place I have ever been in my life. When sleet falls onto your skin, it numbs it completely. Nothing can be felt where the sleet has fallen. It is like, for just that one little moment, that part of your skin does not exist, it is foreign to your body.  
  
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and I will never see the sky the same way, and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and I will never cease to fly if held down, and I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen twilight  
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Sometimes, I wish the ghostly sleet would fall onto my heart. Those sometimes are usually the times I am alone, with only my thoughts as company. My thoughts are those containing the memories of the past eight years. I recall the day I was recruited by SD-6, the day I met Danny, the day he proposed, and the day I told him the truth, all ending with the visual memory of Danny's limp body strung across the bathtub.  
  
Next, I recall a string of memories of Vaughn. The day we met when I walked in to the CIA LA office, the day he gave me the Christmas present of the charming frame, the picture memory of his face behind the glass in Taipei, this string always ending with the last day I saw him, the day I broke my mother out. And I think about all the things in my old life that I have left behind in vain. I know it was selfish of me to do what I did, but, for once, I did something I believed was right for me, I took a risk for me, and me alone.  
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never cared never wanted never sought to see what flaunted so on purpose so in my face couldn't see beyond my own place it was so easy not to behold what I could hold but you taught me I could change whatever came within these shallow days  
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Sometimes I wish I were somehow forced back into my old life. I dream that Vaughn comes and sweeps me off my feet, or my father pulls up in his old, traditional black CIA issue car, pulls me into his protective arms, and everything seems to be right and good in the world again. But then, I always wake-up and realize that those dreams are really nightmares.  
  
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and I will never see the sky the same way, and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and I will never cease to fly if held down, and I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen twilight   
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Mother says I am only having a little difficulty separating my good and bad feelings. She says that, "in time, I will come to realize that my new life in Russia with her and Sark is the good part, and the rest are all just bad nightmares that are only in my head because of my guilt." Every night I pray that she is right, that the dreams will subside and the sickly feelings I get when I think of LA, Vaughn, my father, or my CIA career will disappear and never haunt my mind again. I want to be happy here. I am desperate to be happy with the life I have chosen.  
  
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as the sun shines through it pushes away and pushes ahead it fills the warmth of blue and leaves a chill instead and I didn't know that I could be but as illusion dies I see there is so much to be revealed   
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Here in Russia, I have my mother back, a nice new boyfriend, and the luxuries of a princess.  
  
Sark, or Anthony, as I call him by his given name, is a real platinum guy. He pampers me endlessly and caters me to my every need. Most of all, he loves me in a way I never thought was possible, and so does my mom. And this sincere love is something I have craved for a lifetime.  
  
Mother says Anthony and I work and get along well with each other. She even speaks of her dreams for us to wed and help to keep the organization up and running. When she speaks of this, of us together, she gets an unusual glint in her eye that I know to be only one thing. A glint of hope and fondness and strong motherly affection.  
  
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and I will never see the sky the same way, and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and I will never cease to fly if held down, and I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen twilight   
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The only thing wrong with her prospective dreams for us is my strange feelings. When I look at Sark, I can't help but wish his eyes were green instead of blue and he possessed dirty-blond hair instead of his spiky golden hair. But Vaughn and I were never really meant to be together. Or at least that is what I keep telling myself. And every night, I pray to believe it.  
  
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I was stained, with a role, in a day not my own but as you walked into my life you showed what needed to be shown I always knew, what was right I just didn't know that I might peel away and choose to see with such a different sight   
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When I miss my father, I only have to remind myself of his little "Project Christmas" scheme that he devilishly subjected me to when I was only a child. My mother tells me that "it was his selfish desires to have a perfect spy that drove him to vandalize his only daughter's life." She calls him pathetic and worthless on a daily basis.  
  
Russia may be cold, but here I have a life that suits me. I don't need my old life anymore. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself....  
  
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and I will never see the sky the same way, and I will learn to say good-bye to yesterday and I will never cease to fly if held down, and I will always reach too high cause I've seen, cause I've seen twilight.  
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REVIEW!!!!~~~~!!!!  
  
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TBC  
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	2. Chapter One

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A/N: The song is Sweet Misery by Michelle Branch...I took out some of the lyrics cause' they didn't really go with the story....r/r!!!  
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Fulfilling It  
~ Chapter Two~  
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I have found that being sure is a virtue. I wish I were sure that living here was right, but I just can't seem to let go of my old life. I miss Vaughn, my father, even the CIA. But I can't go back there now, I am no longer wanted.  
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I was lost And you were found You seemed to stand on solid ground  
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Another typical day. I am meeting my mother and Sark for lunch in 20 minutes to discuss a new mission. It is getting to be comfortable and routine to go to these meetings. I can't help but enjoy them.   
Just as I finish my face off with a light coat of lipstick, there is a knock on the door. I open it, expecting to see Sark ready to take me downstairs. But instead of Sark, my eyes find Vaughn. And not just Vaughn, an entire army of men in black bullet-proof vests. Some suits are dotted with blood, all carry guns, pointed my way in warning.  
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I was weak And you were strong Sweet misery you cause me That's what you called me Sweet misery you cause me  
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I step back as I meet Vaughn's eyes as they glare at me. The love and care I used to see in them is gone, replaced by anger and hurt.   
He comes toward me, handcuffs emerging from his vest.  
My shoulders are shaking as he puts them on me. I do not struggle. I want to go back.  
"Vaughn?" I ask hesitantly.  
He says nothing as he pushes me out of my room. Guards surround me as I am rushed outside. Down the corridor I see two blood-soaked bodies. My mother and Sark. Tears roll down my cheeks at the sight of their wide-eyed, pale faces. I did this to them. For the CIA, it is a victory, for me, it is a disaster. I came here to be with my mother, with Sark, and now it was all a waste, and they are gone.  
~*~ I was blind But oh, how you could see You saw the beauty in everything, everything and me I would cry And you would smile You'd stay with me a little while  
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12 hours later I find myself in a glass-walled cell. Just like my mother's old one. Just like my mother, I am now considered a fugitive. Vaughn won't talk to me, my father won't talk to me, no one will talk to me. I am alone again.   
~*~ Sweet misery you cause me That's what you called me Sweet misery you cause me And in my heart I see, oh What you're doing to me And in my heart I see, oh Just how you wanted it to be Sweet misery  
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I just want to erase it all. I want to go back to the time before I saved Sark and broke Irina out. I want to be free. Free with Vaughn. Free to live. But I have already ruined each of those prospects.   
~*~ Oh, whoa ~*~  
Maybe I don't really need the spy life. Perhaps I was just afraid. Afraid that I would have nothing to do with myself. Nothing to believe in, nothing to live for.  
I am floored by a memory from a childhood movie. A single quote really, 'A job is not who you are, it is just what you do.'  
~*~ Sweet misery you cause me That's what you called me Sweet misery you cause me  
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Tears pour from my eyes as I sit on the metal mattress. I want to go back in time. But I can't. I am stuck here in a cell, a captive of the US Government. With no hope of explaining myself, no one to talk to.   
~*~ And in my heart I see, oh What you're doing to me And in my heart I see, oh Just how you wanted it to be Sweet misery  
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"Ahemm.." Comes a grunt from the hallway outside of my cell.   
"Will?" So maybe someone will still talk to me....  
~*~ I was weak And you were strong   
And in my heart I see, oh What you're doing to me And in my heart I see, oh Just how you wanted it to be Sweet misery  
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A/N: Review!!! TBC~  
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	3. Chapter Two

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AN: REVIEW!!!  
  
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"Ahemm.." Comes a grunt from the hallway outside of my cell. "Will?" So maybe someone will still talk to me....  
  
  
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"Um. Hey Syd. It's great to see you again." Will stares down at his feet, unable to meet his old friend's eyes.  
  
"Hi. It's nice to see you too." Sydney smiles, nervous that he's not looking her in the eye.  
  
After a few too many moments of silence, Sydney decides to speak up.  
  
"You are the only one who will still speak to me, so, uh, thank you for this.." Sydney gestures blankly.  
  
"Sure, no problem." He replies, just as solemnly.  
  
Will looks as if he is concentrating on something, so Sydney decides to stay quiet. Moments later, his expression turns angry as he boldly raises his head to stare her in the eye.  
  
"How could you do that to him, Sydney, just leave him like that." He maintains eye contact, fuming.  
  
"Do what to whom?" Sydney asks, confused.  
  
"Don't play games with me, Sydney, you know who I mean! Mike has been a mess since you left, and with Sark for that matter." Will yells as Sydney recoils, averting her eyes nervously.  
  
"Didn't you love Vaughn, Sydney? Or did you love the heartless assassin? Which is it?"  
  
"I...I.." She cannot find her tongue.  
  
"You did love Sark, didn't you?! I should have expected it!" Will waves his hands violently.  
  
A wave a anger flushes over Sydney as she looks him straight in the eye, a familiar quote popping into her head, "Almost perfect... but not quite.' Those were the words of grown-up Mary, talking about her handsome beau, the one she wasn't gonna marry. 'Squeezes me a bit too tight--Almost perfect... but not quite'."  
Will looks confused momentarily, "Shel Silverstein."  
Sydney nods, "I thought I loved him. I really did. But I was fooling myself. You have to understand, Will, there was no way for me to come back when I realized what I did wasn't going well. I would never be welcome. I never will be welcome."  
He takes a few moments of contemplation before nodding his head. Just as he is only a foot from the rising gate, he turns back to her.  
"Ninety-eight the day she died, complainin' 'bout the spotless floor. People shook their heads and sighed, 'Guess that she'll like heaven more.' Up went her soul on feathered wings, out the door, up out of sight. Another voice from heaven came-- 'Almost perfect... but not quite'." Will recites quietly.  
  
He looks right into her soulful eyes, "Was she ever happy Sydney?"   
  
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REVIEW!!! TBC~  
  
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	4. Chapter Three

A/N: Thanks for the *few* little reviews I got. Those I am thankful for!!! A big thanks to those who actually bothered to review!! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! It's not too late!!!!!!!!  
  
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Chapter Three  
  
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I woke from my steel bed the next morning to find a paperback book on the small cell table. Closer examination proved it to be an ordinary romance novel that might be read by a lovesick single woman. It's title never struck me as famous or significant, it seemed almost unknown by the world.   
  
Deciding there was nothing better to do, considering I was to be stuck in a boring cell for who knows how long, I cautiously opened the book. I read the first few pages slowly, losing myself in the words, momentarily disappearing from the cell and my desolate surroundings to seek its meaning.  
  
A few chapters in, something changed. Every few paragraphs, a word or two was underlined in black pen. I rubbed my eyes several times just to make sure I wasn't seeing things. I traced the first word.   
  
*Love*  
Now, curious of what the rest of the message said and, more importantly, who had given me the book and underlined such a message, I read on, skipping most of the story to find more underlined words.  
Nearly and hour later, I was halfway through the book. So far, the message read,   
*Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does no take offense and is not resentful.*  
Suddenly, it dawned on me. A poem. By who I could not recall, but I remembered how touching it was. Smiling slightly to myself, I finished up the book and the message.  
*Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does no take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's wrongs, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.*  
What surprised me even more, were the last four underlined words. *From your Guardian Angel*  
Vaughn.  
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A/N: I already have the next chapter written, so if you want it up soon you need to   
REVIEW!!!! 


	5. Chapter Four

A/N: Decided to post this right away....I am pretty down though, I got 11 reviews for I Need It and it was only one chapter long. This I have like 5 and it is five chapters long...Should I stop this one? Anyway, the song in this one is 'The Rose' by Bette Midler. Great song, I love Bette!  
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Chapter Four  
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~*~Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed. Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed. Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need. I say love, it is a flower, and you its only seed.~*~  
He hasn't given up on me afterall. Which is pretty hard for me to believe considering I left him for Sark. That is the worst thing I could have done, and yet he can still forgive. Perhaps our love is stronger than I thought.   
Though he still has not come to see me in person, I believe he meant what he underlined in that book. I can believe it easily because it mirrors my feelings. I love him. I am not giving up on him or us. ~*~It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance. It's the dream afraid of waking that never takes the chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give, and the soul afraid of dyin' that never learns to live.~*~   
I only wish I hadn't messed things up so badly. It just feels like everything is a mess now. I should have stayed with him after we took SD-6 down, I shouldn't have been afraid of our relationship. And now I realize why I really left. Because I was afraid of him. I was afraid I would be so happy with him, and then something awful would happen and I would be crushed.   
Fear is not something good to have. It is a curse, a forsaken vibe of misery and pain. So then, why do people fear things? To learn from their mistakes? To teach themselves how to become stronger and right wrongs? Why?  
~*~When the night has been too lonely and the road has been to long, and you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong, just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose. ~*~  
My thoughts are once again interrupted by someone. A someone who I never thought I would see again.  
"Dixon?"  
  
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A/N: Okay, I know, another cheesy cliffhanger...Sorry! I know the whole thing about fear seems kinda weird, but I wrote it so that you nice ppl could just figure it out by using your crafty little imaginations....blah blah blah...you get the picture. REVIEW!!! 


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